Xbox Accessories App Can't Configure Elite Series 2 Controller

Before I begin, let me state that I have done all the standard things: update everything everywhere, turn off and on, factory reset, uninstall/reinstall, scan the internet, etc., so don't ask.

I got my Xbox Elite Series 2 controller today and have spent an hour and a half trying to get the stupid thing working right. When I open the Xbox Accessories app (took me twenty minutes to figure out I needed that and how to get it), everything is normal
except when I go to Customization, there are no customization options. I've attached a picture of what the screen looks like 'cause I can't explain it better.

There was a theory that a mismatch between the Xbox account you're signed into and the Microsoft Store account you're signed into, but after spending literally forty minutes trying to figure out which ones I'm signed into and whether they're connected, I
gave up. They both have the same email address, so I'm assuming I'm signed in to the Store and Xbox. (The fact that these are potentially different services but sometimes the same service and sometimes one person can have two different accounts that can't
be connected together and then you have to consider family accounts and random different Gamertags, which aren't the same as your email address... it's just FUBAR over at Microsoft, isn't it? Why can't I configure my own hardware without signing into Microsoft's
servers?)

Anyway, until I figure this out, I have a regular controller that costs over twice as much as the broken one I had to toss.





:)