it says you need to go on a parent account to change settings, but there's no parent to my...

Hello kyesssss,

Please try and log into: https://account.microsoft.com/account/Account?refd=login.live.com&destrt=home-index

with your account, when navigating to the family setting it should show the parent email/account

... I need to change privacy and online safety settings on Xbox.com to do so, but I dumb and cat figure it out.

Simply go to
https://account.xbox.com/settings to review and change your online and privacy settings.

If you get a page explaining how to add a child account to a parent account, have your parents go to
https://account.microsoft.com/family and sign in with an adult parent account.

Have your parents add your child account to their family account. Then your parent should go to https://account.xbox.com/settings and sign in with their adult parent account.

They will then see your account as being selectable. They need to select your child account and make the necessary changes for you.

Alright, the issue may be with parental settings then. Either your parents, your friends parents, or both have restricted the addition of friends on your accounts. They will need to go into the settings of your account to change that.

and where I go to change settings?

You need to go to
https://account.xbox.com/settings to make these changes.

If you get a table with online and privacy settings, you can simply set up your account to your liking.

If however, you get a page explaining how to add a child account to a parent account, then you need to ask your parents to sign in to
https://account.microsoft.com/family and add your account to the adult parent family account (if not already done so).

After your account was added to the family, your parents have to go to https://account.xbox.com/settings and sign in with their parent account. Then they choose your account,
and make the appropriate settings.

... i need a parent to change the settings. Im an adult so why cant i play online?

Please go to
https://account.xbox.com/settings and try to change your online and privacy settings there.

If you get a page describing how to add a child account to a parent account, you probably entered an incorrect birthdate when you created your account.

Unfortunately, you can't change the birthdate on your Xbox account to make you an adult, so you will need a parent with an adult account.

The parent has to sign into their adult account and go to
https://account.microsoft.com/family and add your child account to the family. Then the parent has to go to
https://account.xbox.com/settings and make the necessary changes for you.