hi my xbox is trying to charge me for things i didnt pay for or know about how do i get...

if you login with the same details you created your Xbox account with at: https://account.microsoft.com and head to subscriptions and services, you will see whether you have auto
renew set on your subscriptions. If you have a past due date in red, you will need to pay that before you can add further Xbox Live and Game Pass onto your account.

Xbox Gold gives you access to the online/multiplayer servers, so it is needed to play with friends full time and not just in the free play events (I think it's called that)

The only way to play online with your friends is if you get Xbox Gold. You can either pay $9.99 a month or $59.99 a year. You do not need Game Pass to play online but it does give you access to over 100 great titles for the console. If you were charged
for something you did not purchase contact Xbox customer support directly.

Hi, my name ia Bella. Unfortunately you would not be able to play online games or join parties on your xbox without an active gold subscription. You can pay for a subscription with a credit/debt card, charge your mobile phone, or with a xbox gift or live
card that can be purchase at any popular retail store.

Now if you are being charge for stuff you didnt subscribe to you need to bring it to their attention immediately. https://support.xbox.com/en-US/. Also, I would recommend changing
your password and or adding a passkey to your profile. Here how to do that https://support.xbox.com/en-US/my-account/security/create-xbox-one-passkey

You can see your subscriptions at https://account.microsoft.com/services/ and can manage and cancel them from there.