Updated console - broke everything

I doubt that it's all your accessories that have suddenly stopped working. Most likely it's an issue with your console.

For the amount of issues you seem to be having, First I'd suggest a complete factory reset of the console. And if your still having issues after that, I'm afraid it'll be off to the service centre with it..

I should also mention that my mic on the stereo headset also does not work anymore.

Hey Chuck, there's no need for any foul language here, we're just trying to help. To be fair, you didn't clearly say that you tried the troubleshooting for that particular error. It would be very helpful to us if you can outline exactly what steps you have
or have not tired.

That said, if the primary storage device isn't working properly, can you try removing it and use a USB device to try and do the update? If this works, there may be an issue with your primary storage device that would require repair or replacement. Please let
us know the result trying this, thanks!

396B-0000-D080-0200-8007-045D

A storage device (memory unit or hard drive) was not found during the software update. Follow these steps:

1. Turn off your console.
2. Remove all console storage devices, including any USB flash drives, external hard drives, or the internal hard drive on the Xbox 360 S console. Learn
   how to remove the hard drive.
3. Add your primary storage device, for example, the hard drive.
4. Turn on the console
5. Try updating the console again

As for the Disc drive issue, That will probbaly need a repair

Hey there Chuck! I'm sorry to hear about all these issues happening at once. Let's go one by one and see what we can do, OK?

For the freezing issues, please start with this guide and linked troubleshooter (forums.xbox.com/.../8221.aspx). Please let me know the result of this.

When you say it won't download updates, can you elaborate on this? Does it never prompt you for the update, or does something go wrong when you try to update your games? Do you get an error message or code?

As for the disc tray, is it not responding, or is it physically stuck? When you try to open it with the physical console button, does it make any sound at all, like it is trying to open, or is it completely unresponsive? What about when you try to open the
disc tray from the dashboard controls (on the Home Hub, highlight the game if there is one and press (Y) to eject. Otherwise the options should just be eject if you press (A)).

I know that's a lot to work through, but take your time and post back with the results of these steps. Thanks!