How to find email address

Hello Catherine, thanks for reaching out here on the Xbox forum. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, and I completely understand wanting to recover those messages.

If you're only seeing part of the email when searching by phone number, Microsoft does that for security reasons. Unfortunately, there’s no way to reveal the full email directly.

The best option is to try the Microsoft account recovery form: account.live.com/acsr

Enter any details you remember (old passwords, Xbox Gamertag, recovery phone or email, etc.) to help verify ownership. Support would also guide you to this same form, as it's the official way to recover account access. If it doesn't work the first time, try again. Sometimes it takes a few attempts to be successful.

Wishing you the best. Let me know if you need have any other questions!

how do I find out which email address my account is at?

You might want to call official support in regards to finding out how you can find your email address.

Check out this URL for info on how to find out your email address on your console etc:

Find your Microsoft account email address

Have you tried the steps
here