How to enable cross play on minecraft with Ps4 and Xbox One

cannot get my friend who plays on a Ps4 to play she is using a microsoft account so it should work i have a Xbox One S and all the settings are set to allow from communation snd everything cross platform but in minecraft it physvslly will not let us search eachothers names and mine doesnt have the option to enabke cross platform on minecraft , ive tried on xbox app and microsoft and all my setting are enabled but on minecraft it doesnt give me the option like it does on all the videos please help

:)