Connected to the internet, Xbox still says "Connect to Xbox Live"

I haven't used my Xbox One in a while, and in typical Microsoft fashion, it appears to have bricked itself.

When I turned my Xbox on, it required an update but wouldn't let me. I followed advice given on Xbox Support until I finally went through with the offline diagnostic update tool.

Following my application of the offline update, my Xbox isn't showing any pins or letting me into games. I'm stuck on the home screen with "Connect to Xbox Live". Unfortunately, I've tried just about everything. My current network status is Wired with
a Moderate NAT Type. Service info is unavailable. I've tried both Wired and Wireless connections, and both give me the "It's all good" page. I've tried turning the console off and on again, and I've tried hard resetting. I've forgotten the wireless network,
I've unplugged the ethernet cable and plugged it back in, I've cleared persistent storage and the Alternate MAC address. Nothing helps.

Is there any help there, or am I the not-so-proud owner of a $400 brick?

:)

 

Can't connect

When I try to connect, it says: "A problem has occurred..." and then I go to test my connection and my Network and Internet are both connected, but Xbox live isn't and error comes up saying "Your console is connected to the Internet but can't contact Xbox
live..." I've turned my Xbox off and on multiple times as well as my router/modem to help solve the issue but it still persists. Also, when I try to play skyrim and go to load a save it prompts me to sign in but the it freezes on me and I need to restart my
Xbox. Is Xbox live down or what?

 

Not connecting to Xbox Live, 80151909

So I tried to go onto Xbox Live, and it says "Your console cant connect to Xbox Live..." And at the bottom, it just says "80151909". I tested my connection, and everything was connected, except for the internet to xbox live. I restarted my modem+router,
and checked my computer, and everything was fine. I tried to download my account, but it says the same thing, and wont even let me get to the gamertag area. I also cleared my storage cache. Some extra info:I use the Xbox Slim, I'm also connected using an ethernet
cable, and I tried going wirless, but it didn't fix anything.

 

I swear, I'd been trying at this for hours, but while waiting for a response, the problem seems to have somehow fixed itself. I'd like to be able to offer an explanation for anyone who may have a similar problem, but I just let it sit and it somehow worked
it all out.

Thanks anyway to anyone who would have offered assistance!

 

well it is Halloween ...ghosts in the machine ???